Beccie Allen, 20, explains the impact that her wetting problems had on her childhood, including the soul destroying bullying she experienced at primary school. She shares how the committed support of teaching staff helped to turn the situation around and enable her to become the person she is today.
ERIC
Living with a child who withholds poo!
Today’s blog coincides with the launch of ERIC’s new national awareness campaign, ‘Let’s Talk About Poo!’, which aims to alert parents to the early signs and symptoms of constipation, and highlight the support that ERIC provides. It is written by a mother of two, Sharon, whose daughter Jennifer has been with-holding poo and suffering with constipation over the last few years.
I would like to share my story in the hope that it may give words of encouragement and hope to others who may have a child that has constipation or is withholding poos.
When my eldest child, George, was born I was elated and felt truly blessed to have been given the gift of parenthood. I finally found out about the unconditional love everyone talks about but can’t really explain until it hits them. He wasn’t much of a sleeper so sleepless nights went on for some time but otherwise he was a gift and I cherished every moment. He loved cuddles (still does thankfully!) and every day I felt blessed to have him.
George was a late potty trainer compared to many of his peers and when he finally did it, it seemed to take an age to crack it. So, when my daughter Jennifer was born (when George was 2), I hoped that things would be easier. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
In contrast to George, Jennifer was a sleeper. I put her down for a nap and she slept. Good start. She was an angel in every sense. Adorable. Around the age of one I noticed that occasionally she had real difficulty passing hard poos. I had to cuddle and encourage her to let them out. I mentioned this to our Health Visitors and was prescribed Lactulose (sugary water) and told that this should solve it. It didn’t. I kept going with the Lactulose for months. By the time Jennifer was able to control her bowels she was holding them in.
Still I was told the Lactulose was the answer. On New Year’sDay, when she was 3, we ended up in out of hours clinic because she hadn’t been for days and I knew she was struggling. Again, I was told it will come out eventually (which of course it did, painfully). They also said that some children are on Lactulose for years. It is non-addictive and they should eventually grow out of the problem and can be weaned off. I took all this on board and kept hoping they were right. We stuck with pull ups much longer than most, partly because I was afraid of what would happen and kept convincing myself that she couldn’t be ready to wee in a potty with what was going on. We finally started potty training aged 3 and a half.
From this point on we were in a viscous circle. Jennifer would withhold the poos until a little slipped out. A little would keep slipping out all day. I am not exaggerating when I say that some days we would change 15 pairs of knickers. Wherever we went copious amounts of knickers and trousers went with us. It became our main topic of conversation every night when my husband came home.
We were becoming totally absorbed in the enormity of it all and it ruled our lives. George was amazing through all of this and never once complained about it. Bless him, he tried to encourage her to let them go. I read so much about it I felt like an expert but I still didn’t know what to do.
At that point in time, I didn’t know about ERIC and the support it provides parents through the website and helpline. Netmums had been a great help and we learnt to ask the GP for Movicol which worked very differently to Lactulose. We were told to give one sachet a day and this softened the poos slightly but she was still withholding. At this point she had never let a poo out willingly into the toilet.
It all came to a head after Jennifer started Nursery at the village school just before she was 4. The school were amazing, and still are. They totally understood what was going on and were only too happy to help and support us. They were encouraging and never complained. But I had had enough. I had tried star charts, gentle persuasion, bribing, you name it. We had lived with this for what seemed like an eternity and we were worried about the effect it was having on us as a family.
We needed help because we couldn’t do this alone. I sat in the GP surgery and I burst into tears. It wasn’t the first time I had cried. I had cried so many times in the privacy of home but this was my first public ‘outing’. I thought finally they would listen and would help me. I went home and waited…..
Then we had a breakthrough. A good friend of mine, a child psychologist, by chance found us a specialist consultant who was local and dealt with this exact issue. I was elated. We contacted him and he sounded perfect. My husband persuaded our GP that we needed a referral and within a few weeks we had our first appointment with the consultant, who has been wonderful. He told us to use as much Movicol as we needed to keep the poos soft and talked to Jennifer about Happy and Sad Mr Poo. After a massive evacuation of a stack load of poo (encopresis) we have found that 3 sachets a day works for Jennifer. She still withholds but she regularly lets them out willingly. She smiles. We smile. We all laugh together. She gets rewards. We made so much progress that we went on a shopping trip and she chose some pretty new knickers. A real achievement.
We are not totally there yet but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. Six months ago she was withholding everything. Now we rarely have soiled knickers and we are assured that with time and continued medications she will get there. This time I believe it!
My message to anyone who has a child showing early signs of constipation – don’t wait until it is too late. Visit your health visitor or GP and insist on help. If we had been given Movicol earlier and used the right dose I truly believe we could have saved a lot of tears and NHS funds!
Sharon
A day in the life of ERIC’s Director
Working on the ERIC Helpline and hearing first-hand how having just one child with a continence issue (wee and poo problems) can overwhelm whole families, I have often wondered what it must be like to head up a charity with a cause like ERIC’s. So, I managed to get Jenny Perez – ERIC’s Director – to squeeze me into her busy schedule and talk to her about being ERIC’s Director. What follows is Jenny’s candid response…
Having responsibility for what happens in a charity that is reliant upon funding can lie heavy on the shoulders of those that head it up, but this didn’t deter Jenny from applying for what has now been her job for over 4 years. How do you raise the profile of a charity that deals with children’s wee and poo? It’s not the most heart-wrenching of causes and doesn’t conjure up appealing images to work with, but for Jenny ERIC’s work was attractive and having young children of her own, she had an insight into the impact that childhood continence can have on families.
Keeping all the balls in the air and being ready to catch one if it starts to fall is how Jenny describes the main function of her job and having a finger on the pulse of the organisation is essential as she carries responsibility for the day-to-day workings of ERIC. She needs to ensure that ERIC performs effectively and efficiently and that the funding alongside the budgeting works.
‘Director’ is the job title but within that are a number of roles – decision maker, office manager, figurehead, manager of the senior management team to name but a few! However, this all adds to the variety that Jenny enjoys so much about her job and the contact with people that it affords her. She also enjoys working for a charity and the opportunities it gives to speak out about childhood continence, raising its profile and lessening the stigma around this complex issue.
Some of the more challenging – but nonetheless stimulating – areas of being ERIC’s Director are matching the aspirations that ERIC (the charity) has with the funding that is available and also managing people’s expectations within that, be they service users, professionals or staff. Having to spend time concentrating on the paperwork side of her job means that she has less people contact and this can be quite a challenge because for Jenny – people are what it’s all about!
When setting budgets, Jenny needs to bear in mind that ERIC’s biggest spend is staff, then she looks at the cost of services already provided and any opportunities to develop more. She assesses these costs so that she can set budgets at a realistic level. A recent success that adds to the annual budgeting exercise for the next three years has been to secure funding for an ‘ERIC Nurse.’ Jenny has cultivated this exciting project from its beginning – an inspirational innovation that has the potential to develop ERIC’s work at a dynamic level.
Jenny finds that networking offers opportunities and partnerships based around raising ERIC’s profile and giving it a voice, and can enable the charity to provide extra services in a more cost-effective way. How does Jenny foresee growth for ERIC in the future? Well, using volunteers across the country, being well-represented at NHS level and creating new business and funding opportunities are all potential growth areas that she is excited about. Being ERIC’s Director requires vision and Jenny has plenty of that – her ultimate vision being that ERIC becomes a household name!
Thank you Jenny for sharing with us what it’s like to be ERIC’s Director!
Jayne M
I wet the bed and there is no hiding it!
Our story today comes from a young man who we have come into contact with through the ERIC helpline. He is 12 and has very bravely offered to share his personal experience of bed wetting with us, in the hope that other children and their parents/carers could understand what it’s like to suffer from continence issues.
“Hello I decided to write about my problem for ERIC. I am a 12 year old boy who still wets the bed and it is very frustrating for me and my family.
I used to wet the bed every night. I would find out that I had wet the bed because I would wake up in the night and I would feel damp and cold. When I checked I would be soaked through.
When I was little, I would hide my wet bed from my mum and carry on sleeping through, but now that I am older I do tell my parents and I strip my bed myself in the middle of the night. Sometimes, it is pitch black in the house, so I have got a torch and gone to the airing cupboard and taken out new sheets in the dark.
Sometimes the bed is so wet that the quilt is soaking too. This causes an argument between my mum and me. This is because I tell my mum that I didn’t know I had wet the bed in the night, and most of the time I don’t. But my mum reckons I did know and I am just trying to hide the wet sheets from her. But, in the morning she always can smell the wee in my bedroom – so there is no hiding it.
I went to see the Doctor and then a wee nurse at the local clinic. She recommended an alarm that I could clip onto my pants at night. It used to go off like a siren in the night. It did work, because as soon as the alarm went off when I was wetting myself , I would wake up and try and hold it in whilst I ran to get to bathroom. But sometimes the wee kept coming out whilst I was running. Once or twice the siren didn’t go off at all because the wee had not touched the metal clip, so I still wet the bed.
The nurse also told me that I should be drinking much more than I was, especially during school time. Unfortunately, during school I would drink more but then I would have to get up and go to the loo during class – so I found that I was going to the toilet more than I was learning. One of my teachers did understand because my mum had written a note to her explaining that I was training my bladder so had to drink plenty and go to the toilet when I needed. But my next teacher didn’t know about it and he wouldn’t let me go to the toilet during class. But I never told him what my problem was because I was worried all the class would hear.
The most nerve wrecking time was when I went to stay the night at friends. Every time I went I was really, really, worried. I would go to sleep ok and sometimes my mum would give me a tablet to take which was supposed to stop me making wee. Once I did wee my sleeping bag at a friend’s house. In the morning I got changed in my sleeping bag and I told my friend to go downstairs so that I could sort it all out. Another time, a friend noticed that my pyjamas were wet, so I said that I had tipped a drink on me.
In my bedroom I do have a bed protection rule! Every time a friend comes round, I tell them that I have one rule and they are not allowed on my bed. I lie and say that my bed is weak and it can only support a certain amount of weight. Really it is because if they went up on my bed they may notice I had a bed protector, an alarm and possibly a smell because I had hidden the wet sheets.
I have recently had to have my mattress thrown away because the bed protector had leaked and the mattress was really smelly. So I have slept on the floor for a few weeks on bedrolls whilst waiting for the new bed to arrive. During this time, I wore disposable pyjama pants because sometimes I have rolled off and weed on the carpet!
It is very frustrating that I still wet the bed at my age. Overall, the main thing that I feel is guilt! Because I wet the bed it creates so much washing and having to spend money on alarms, disposable pants and now mattresses it makes me feel guilty for being a bed wetter.”
Thank so much for taking the time to share your story with us. We really appreciate your honesty and telling us about how bed wetting impacts on so many aspects of your daily life. We really hope your experiences will help other children and young people understand that they are not alone with their worries and concerns.
Tracy
Do you suffer continence issues in silence and hide the truth from your friends? Or are you a parent that is increasingly frustrated by the lack of support from school or clinics? We would like to hear your stories too.
ERIC offers a range of services to help you cope with the symptoms of wetting and soiling? Want to speak to real person in confidence? Then do give our ERIC helpline a call (+44) 0845 3708008. Or would you rather chat to other young people just like you? Then come and join our active Teen Hub and Message Board scene http://www.eric.org.uk/Hub.
ERIC’s aim is to help reduce the worry and frustrations of bed wetting and soiling for sufferers and their families. Our online shop stocks and sells a complete range of products aimed at helping you or your child enjoy nights away and sleepovers such as sleeping bag liners, vibrating watches and waterproof sheets and duvets http://www.eric.org.uk/Shop/category/190 . – as a bonus every sale helps raise vital funds for ERIC …to ensure we can continue to support families just like yours.
My son is 12 and still wets the bed!
Today’s story is kindly shared with us from a mum who lives in Cornwall.
My son is 12 – well almost twelve. 12 in a month and he still wets the bed!
He was almost 9 years old before I thought I should actually see a health professional about this problem. I don’t know why it took me so long to make that decision?
Perhaps I thought it was normal or maybe I was so busy getting on with the day-to-day occurrences of family life, that within the confines of our home it never felt any different.
He wet the bed – I changed the bed and washed the bedding. The same pattern happened every night, nothing ever changed, so I didn’t think to change my outlook either. I knew it was happening of course, because of all the middle of the night bed changes and mountains of dirty laundry. Some days, I struggled to keep up with the sheer volume of pyjama bottoms getting wet and dry again for use later that night.
Of course, over the years I tried what I had thought was appropriate measures to reduce the risk of bedwetting. I cut back on his drinks in the evening, I woke him up in the night to take him to the toilet and on occasions I did yell and ridicule him for being lazy!!
But the strange thing is I never actually questioned why it was happening. I never ‘Googled’ it and I certainly never asked friends for advice. However, the most shocking thing is I never took him to the doctors – that is until he hit 9 years old.
At 9 he started going on Scout camps and it was becoming a problem hiding the truth from his friends there. So I thought enough is enough, I need to see what is happening and why because no-matter what I try he is still wetting the bed.
The doctor was understanding and asked why I had taken so long to seek help! He placed my sons name on a waiting list to see an ERIC trained nurse at our local clinic. At almost the same time I purchased a Malem Bedwetting Alarm from the ERIC website.
It took nearly a year for my son to be offered an appointment at the clinic and in that time the alarm went off every night. Every night it woke me up in the next bedroom but it never managed to wake up my son!! During the waiting period his bedwetting did improve slightly with the odd dry or damp night, but certainly not enough to remove his name from the waiting list.
When we eventually saw the nurse, she clearly explained the reasons why some children still continue to wet the bed when most have grown out of it. We learned that for every class of 30 children aged 7 there will be two in that class who wet at night. Most importantly she explained that my ‘tried and failed’ methods were because they were not promoting the use of my sons bladder in the correct way – reducing drinks, waking him in the night etc was the opposite of what I should be doing.
We walked away with charts, stickers, plenty of leaflets and follow up appointments. But most of all, we walked away with reassurance that he was not alone. As it later turned out, there are indeed other children in his year at primary school that still wet the bed. The reason I know this? Because I began to open up to other parents; the more I talked to them, the more parents I found that either have children who wet the bed, or they did themselves when they were a child.
My son is 12 soon. We first went to see the doctor when he was 9, we saw the nurse when he was 10 and yes now and again, but not very often now, he wets the bed. But I don’t mind because I now understand why and that he isn’t the only one.
We are really pleased to hear that things are getting easier to deal with at home and that you had the courage to share your story with us. We know lots of parents are having similar experiences to you and our helpful leaflets are available here http://www.eric.org.uk/Bedwetting/leaflets_bedwetting
How do you cope with mountains of laundry or sleepovers? If you have a story to share we would love to hear from you too!!
CCTV in Toilets! Privacy issue or peace of mind?
It was recently announced that more than 200 schools are using CCTV cameras in toilets or changing rooms and this news will no doubt come as a shock to many parents.
The research indicated that The Radclyffe School in Oldham topped the list of schools with 20 cameras in toilets or changing rooms. Its head teacher, Hardial Hayer, said its cameras are above doors entering toilets, and only overlook washbasins. He said the cameras had been placed so it was possible to tell who was going in, but added they are not near cubicles.
Understandably, this research does raise serious questions about the importance of privacy of school children across Britain and indeed clarity about purpose of use, data protection and excessive surveillance does need to addressed. But is CCTV in toilets and changing rooms an infringement of privacy or does it provide peace of mind for parents and children that their school’s toilets are safe and monitored?
Susan Lewis, Chief Inspector for Wales recently commented; “You can tell a school by its toilets: they say an awful lot about a school and tell you about the value the school places on its environment.”
Indeed, schools need to ensure children can use school toilets when they need to which is why it is important for them to consider the total toilet environment. Simply keeping facilities clean and in good condition is not enough. All aspects of privacy and toilet-use should be considered to ensure a healthy and pleasant environment is provided for pupils and this should go beyond ensuring access to adequate provisions like toilet paper, soap and hand towels – unfortunately we know that not all schools even do this.
We know that a quarter of pupils avoid their school toilets – some even avoid drinking throughout the day to prevent them from using the school toilets at all. Added to this is the problem of many toilet blocks being located in isolated areas of the school grounds leaving children feeling vulnerable and many are unsupervised which increases instances of bullying or vandalism.
I think perhaps then CCTV cameras are best used when other options to keep toilets safe and free from vandalism have failed. Their aim is to make toilets a safer environment for pupils and to prevent anti-social behaviour such as smoking, vandalism and graffiti. They can allow schools to keep toilets open at times when they would previously have been locked and that is good news for school children.
Certainly, the use of CCTV cameras in school toilets remains a contentious issue and will undoubtedly continue to be widely debated amongst teaching staff, parents and pupils in the future. What is your opinion?
To read further about raising the standards of school toilets visit www.bog-standard.org
Tracy
Back to school
It’s the first day of school today for many UK children. Usually around this time of year we get lots of calls to our Helpline from parents worried about children having wetting or soiling accidents in class.
Our Helpline team have put together some top tips for parents and here are some of the best bits. You can read the full article over at Yahoo Lifestyle and there loads of information on the ERIC website too.
Our Helpline team are also going to be live on Facebook on Tuesday 11th September answering any questions or concerns about wetting or soiling problems at school. Just post your question on our page or if you want to keep it private send us a direct message or use live chat.
Accidents at the start of term – what parents can do
It’s usually expected that children will have developed good toileting skills by the time they start school, but increasingly teachers are reporting that this isn’t the case. And for parents whose children are not yet fully clean or dry, the prospect of starting school can be fraught with anxiety about how their child will cope.
Even if your child has been successfully toilet trained it would be unusual if there weren’t a few accidents in the first weeks of school. There’s so much to learn and so many new activities that it’s inevitable young children will become engrossed in what they are doing and get caught short. For many children having to disturb the teacher to ask to go to the toilet in front of everyone can be daunting. Others may be reluctant to use the school toilets if they are dark, noisy or smelly or even if they are used by older children.
If you anticipate that your child will have problems always let the school know so they can be aware and put measures in place to help your child. Many schools have supportive systems in place and will prompt a child during the day or allow access to the toilet without needing to ask for permission. Most schools have a school nurse available who can help families resolve on-going wetting or soiling problems and she can be an important link between the family and the school. It’s important to seek help from your GP, school nurse or health visitor as soon as you begin to have concerns about your child wetting or soiling.
Wetting in the day
The extent of wetting accidents can vary from a large puddle on the floor to damp patches on pants. When very young, the most common cause of wetting in the day is becoming engrossed in play or activities and ignoring the signal of a full bladder. But there are several reasons why a child may wet at school. Causes of daytime wetting include:
• An overactive bladder. This is a condition in which the bladder muscle contracts suddenly, before the bladder is full, causing a strong need to wee with little or no warning.
• A urinary tract infection (UTI)
• Constipation
If a child wets for one of these reasons they will have little ability to control the problem and if you have any concerns at all, always make an appointment with your GP to have the problem checked. The problems can almost always be managed or resolved.
Other reasons for wetting in the day include:
- Leaving it too late and not having enough time to reach the toilet
- Difficulty undoing or pulling clothes up and down without help
- Avoiding an unwelcoming or intimidating toilet environment (e.g. cold, smelly or with spiders!)
- Changes in routine, tiredness or a mild illness
- Being in too much of rush to completely empty the bladder
- Emotionally upset
Tips to help you manage if your child wets in the day
- Encourage your child to drink six to eight cups of water based drinks spread out over the whole day. Drinking more may seem counter intuitive but over time this helps increase how much the bladder can hold
- Ensure your child wears clothes that are easy to undo or pull up and down
- Establish a regular, prompted toilet routine every two to three hours in the day
- Introduce a fun way of prompting toilet visits such as “123 do I need a wee?” or use a vibrating reminder watch
- Try to encourage your child to fully empty their bladder by weeing in a steady continuous stream. At the end of the stream wait, change position and then try to do a bit more. This will ensure the bladder is fully empty
- Put a changing bag with clean pants, wet wipes and disposal bags in your child’s school bag in case there is an accident – and explain to your child what you would like them to do and practice how to do it
Soiling
Soiling accidents are less common that wetting accidents but cause a lot more distress for families and schools. For most children who soil they have very little, if any, control over it happening. The problems can usually be managed but can take a little while. If your child is soiling it is always recommended that you visit your GP immediately to have the problem checked. Causes of soiling include:
- Constipation. If your child’s pooing pattern changes and they poo less frequently than normal it is usually an indication of constipation. Soiling happens when there is a build-up of hard poo in the bowel and either newer poo leaks out or pieces break away
- Sometimes children have a painful poo and try to avoid more pain by withholding poo
For both of these, medication, which can break up hardened poo and help soften poo so it is more comfortable to pass, is usually prescribed.
Other reasons for soiling include
- Dislike or fear of using unfamiliar toilets
- Poor diet or fluid intake
- Anxiety or emotional upset
- Mild illness
- A change of routine
- Not having a regular toilet routine
- The child doesn’t recognise the signals of the need to poo
Tips to help you manage if your child soils
- Ensure your child has a well-balanced diet and drinks six to eight cups of water based fluid every day
- Make the toilet a welcoming and fun place to be
- Put a daily toilet routine in place. Ask your child to sit on the toilet for a few minutes, 15-20 minutes or so after meals, following some gentle exercise. A reward system can help encourage this
- When boys stand to wee they have to make special time each day to sit on the toilet. If this routine isn’t in place it can lead to constipation
- Ensure your child’s feet are supported on a step and they sit on the toilet in a comfortable and secure position
- Use techniques such as blowing bubbles, a musical instrument or blowing raspberries on the back of the hand to help with pushing poo out or try a gentle rocking movement
- Use an appropriate prescribed laxatives as required
- Pack your child a changing bag as described above
Starting school is a big step for most children and toileting accidents are very common and totally normal. If you have any concerns about your child’s toileting don’t delay seeking help from ERIC, your GP, school nurse or health visitor as problems that are dealt with early can usually be resolved more quickly.
Indian toilets get facelift
India is getting a bit of cosmetic surgery. Well the southern part of it anyway. A total of 47 schools in Kalamassery will be getting a revamp over the space of 5 years, including their toilets, benefiting an estimated 13,000 students. The idea being to improve the infrastructure and learning standards that is expected of an educational setting.
This area of India isn’t renowned for its strong economy and it is down to the Minister of Public Works, V K Ebrahim Kunju, that it’s gotten the green light from the government.
Now let’s flick back to us here in the UK and our school toilets. Or should I say our Government. In an earlier blog post it was pointed out that they had decided against doing anything to improve the poor state of UK school toilets and proceeded in changing the legislation of our primary and secondary school buildings. Not for the benefit of the humble toilet of course.
Maybe this is because they feel it’s necessary or a way of cutting costs or human resources. Either way if a country that economically wise, is lower down the scale than us can refurbish toilets to a better standard why are we having to somewhat downgrade ours?
You can read the full story on the plans for schools in India at http://ibnlive.in.com/news/facelift-for-47-schools/283652-60-122.html
Crescent
Hollywood star Michael Fassbender wet his pants in class
It really can happen to anyone.
Irish-German actor Michael Fassbender who starred in Prometheus, X-Men and Inglorious Basterds has recently revealed that his most embarrassing moment was wetting his pants in front of his class.
“My most embarrassing moment would be when I peed my pants,” Michael told German magazine Für Sie. “I was about seven years old: the teacher wouldn’t let me go to the toilet – we were only allowed to go in the big breaks. Afterwards she gave out tests and I had to go to the desk. I couldn’t hold it anymore. She was probably even more ashamed than me.”
Michael is 35 now and it just goes to show that embarrassing situations like wetting yourself in front of your friends can stay with you for life.
These embarrassing situations are mostly avoidable, if only more teachers had better systems in place, like the ‘good teacher’ told us on Monday.
We’ve written to Michael Fassbender to ask him to support the Bog Standard Campaign. I hope he writes back…
Anyone know him that could ask him for us?!
Natasha
How to have a worry free time at the swimming pool with swim nappies
Guest blogger The Milkshake Mummy tests out swim nappies on her two little boys and gives them the thumbs up!
Swim nappies are now only £5.50 in the ERIC shop, until stocks last!
Click here to get yours.
ericuk.wordpress.com 